


StepBother

by kiarcheo



Category: Six - Marlow/Moss
Genre: Don't ask me why, F/F, Getting Together, Mary & Kat friendship, Parrward, except mary - Freeform, the kids are back but are barely mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:28:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27065644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiarcheo/pseuds/kiarcheo
Summary: 'I’d say that we have to thank Mary for the suggestion.’‘I’d rather die.’ The disgust on Kat’s face makes Cathy chuckle.AKAThe one where Kat and Mary have an interesting relationship and Parrward get together.
Relationships: Katherine Howard & Mary I of England, Katherine Howard/Catherine Parr
Comments: 33
Kudos: 87





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Mary’s portrait in this fic is positive and totally ignores her doings as a queen but if it bothers you, you can skip to the Parrward part starting with Kat waiting at the cinema: Mary is mentioned but I think you can understand what is going on without having read the first part of the fic.
> 
> With that out of the way…I’m not sure exactly what this is or where it came from, but it started with 500 words of Mary&Kat banter (actually I know where that part came from, from [ Hidden Stories ](/works/26547385/chapters/64713793/) and their dynamic in the last chapter) and then ofc Parrward had to get involved and it got out of hand and now I have almost 4000 words??
> 
> This is 1/4 Mary&Kat and 3/4 Parrward, I guess.

When you’re a 16th-century queen living in the 21st century, things are bound to be confusing. From language to social conventions, the changes are endless, without even talking about the technological progress. Motion sensor technology, from bells ringing when you step into a shop to doors opening themselves, still catches them by surprise, especially when things start to move or turn off and on without any prompt.

Home is an oasis of familiarity and certainty, if they don’t dwell on why they and their children had been brought back, how, or even simpler questions like why they came back aged as they had. The order from older to younger goes: Catalina, Anna, Jane, Anne, Cathy, Kat. They had tried to figure it out, of course. Was it according to their original date of birth? No, because then Anne would have been the second oldest one. Was it according to their age when they died? No, because Jane would have been younger than Anne and Cathy. Their age at the time of their marriage to Henry? Catalina and Anna, at 24 and 25, had been the youngest besides Kat, so that made no sense either. The length of their reign? Pitiful as most of them had been, Cathy and Anne would have followed Catalina. The kids at least had come back in the order of their birth: Mary is still the oldest, followed by Elizabeth, Edward, and then toddler Mae. Everyone came back younger, with the notable exceptions of Katherine and Mae who returned at the same age they were when they died. Perhaps it was possible to make them younger but not older than they had ever been in their first lives?

Just small questions to ignore, right? But once they decided that their return was the work of an inscrutable higher power and they learnt how to use modern appliances, with their shared past, knowledge and experiences, home became an oasis of familiarity and certainty in a new, confusing world.

Except for one thing. Which was actually one of most baffling matters the queens had encountered… and that they kept seeing, right in the house they shared: the relationship between Katherine Howard and Mary Tudor.

According to history books, that should have been Katherine’s most fraught relationship: unlike the first three queens, she didn’t have any issue with her predecessors or successor, Elizabeth and Edward had fond memories of her, and she had never even met little Mae. And if age had been a sore point between them – for Mary at least, who had been displeased at her father marrying someone several years younger than herself – them returning pretty much at the same age, seemed a recipe for disaster.

With time, most animosity among the queens had been squelched and scores had been settled, and the idea of them all living together had been put forward. It took a while, but they finally managed to find a suitable house to everyone’s liking. Still, being cordial during an occasional meeting was different than living together. So the queens had expected, if not explosive confrontations, at least tense interactions between the youngest queen and the oldest ‘kid’. But they never came. Instead, as they all moved in together, they were witnesses to a dynamic that they struggled to fully understand, but that seemed to work well for the two girls.

****

‘I think we can all agree-’

‘That I’m the ten among you threes?’ Kat interrupts her.

Mary glares at her. ‘That my father was an asshole.’

‘That too.’

Catherine raises an eyebrow at what she hears as she enters the room. ‘What are you talking about?’

‘I didn’t really mean that, you know.’

‘Just curious. Trust me, not going to defend _him_.’ Nobody in their house would, and she thought Kat would know it.

‘No, I mean, you’re not a three. You’re totally a ten too.’

Catalina chuckles. ‘Aren’t you charming today?’

****

‘You’re lucky you got your mom’s looks.’

Cathy wonders if they realise she is the kitchen and if she should make her presence known. She doesn’t particularly wish to witness their flirting either.

‘Actually, my father was quite handsome in his youth.’

‘Wouldn’t know, he was like thrice my age and twice my size when I met him.’

‘Same.’ It slips out. Not really. She had been 31 when they got married and he had been twenty years her senior. But Cathy understands the sentiment.

Mary looks from Kat to Cathy, apparently not at all put out by her overhearing them. ‘Fair enough.’

****

‘No offence to Anne but divorcing your mother should have been a sign that something was wrong with him.’

Hearing her name, Anne starts to pay attention as Kat continues. ‘I would have never done it.’

‘What?’ Mary echoes Anne’s thoughts.

‘If I had been married to Catalina, I would have never divorced her. RIP Henry but I’m different.’

‘I don’t know what’s more disturbing. That you find my mom attractive or that you would have been my stepmother.’

Kat chuckles. ‘I am your stepmother.’

‘Stepbother, that’s what you are.’

****

‘Ehi, Mary, do you call your mom mami?’

‘No?’

‘Can I?’

Mary gives a saccharine smile to Jane, who is looking between her and Kat confused. ‘Jane, we’re going to need one less seat at the table today. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some murdering to do.’

***

‘Mary, Mary,’ Anna is ready to point out to Kat that there is no way Mary can hear her calling if she is whispering her name like that, when Kat yells. ‘MARY!’

‘You bellowed?

‘See? Call three times and she will appear; you don’t even need a mirror.’

‘I’m going to kill you.’

‘Not really helping your case.’

Anna chuckles. She doesn’t understand their relationship, but it certainly makes for some entertaining times.

***

The queens are in the living room when they hear the front door opening and the distinctive voices of Mary and Kat getting closer.

‘I said that objectively speaking.’

‘And then I’m going to tell her that you objectively think she is hot.’

‘Don’t you dare.’

‘Don’t be ashamed, Mary!’ Kat enters the living room, eyes on her phone. ‘Embrace the gay!’

She gets the wind knocked out of her by an unexpected hug. ‘What?’ Mary squeezes her more. ‘I’m doing as you said.’

‘Kat, are you gay?’

Everyone stops at Jane’s question.

‘Am I gay?’ Kat laughs. ‘I’m ecstatic!’

Mary can’t help to notice that Cathy is the only one chuckling at Kat’s quote.

So. Yes. If asked about Kat and Mary’s relationship, the consensus is that they seem to live to bother each other. Mary lording being older over Kat and Kat constantly reminding Mary that she was and still is her stepmother as her marriage to Henry had never been annulled. Mary threatening bodily harm and Kat mentioning how much she likes Catalina. It’s just harmless flirting and Catalina finds it amusing as much as Mary finds it annoying. She knows perfectly well that Kat hits on her mom just to rile her up…and it works every single time.

‘You know, for once, you could actually focus your attention on the Catherine you actually like…’ Mary says once her mother leaves the room, eyes not leaving the sketchbook on her lap.

‘What? I do like your mom. I don’t know what you mean.’

‘Sure you don’t.’ Mary rolls her eyes. ‘You should have been Catherine with a C.’

‘What? Why?’ Kat asks genuinely confused.

‘Then your name would have fit you better.’ She raises the sketchbook to show it to her. A blank page with a single word in capital letters: C(h)oward. ‘Since you’re a coward.’

Yet, for two people who loudly proclaim all the time that they cannot stand each other and whose contact name for the other is ‘stepbother’ (Mary claiming Kat had stolen it from her but it made no sense, Kat retorting that daughter and bother sound similar enough to make sense), they sure spend a lot of time together of their own volition.

That’s how Kat finds herself waiting outside the cinema for Mary. Who is late. Despite being the one who had wanted to see the movie – Kat still doesn’t know which one, but her and Mary have a similar enough taste that she usually trusts her choices – and had organised the outing. She looks at her phone again to check if Mary had replied to her text. Nothing. She doesn’t know why she even bothered to try since the phone didn’t buzz. She is slipping it back in her pocket when the awaited sound stops her. She opens the chat: Mary sent her the code of her ticket, telling her to start heading in. Seeing no reason for both to risk missing the movie, she does, but not before writing back that Mary better get some snacks when she arrives to make up for her lateness. 

She easily finds her assigned seat. She sits down and looks at the ticket stub again to double check. Portrait of a lady on fire. She contemplates whether looking it up online. She has never heard of it, but the way the girl at the till had smiled at her while handing her the ticket made her feel like she is missing something.

‘Look who decided to show u-’ she greets the person who just sat down next to her. ‘Cathy?’

‘Kat? Hi!’ Cathy sounds as surprised as she is to see her there. ‘I didn’t know Mary had invited you too.’

‘Mary?’

‘Yeah, she told me to go ahead and get in without waiting for her. Why?’

Kat shakes her head lightly. ‘She told me the same.’ She takes her phone out, quickly opening their chat. Her fingers hover over the screen. Should she stick with the evergreen ‘I’m going to kill you’ (she should really make a shortcut for it) or be more creative and get into details of how she is going to make her pay?

‘I feel slightly out of place.’

Kat looks at Cathy, who just juts her chin and tilts her head slightly. ‘Take a look around yourself.’ She adds very quietly.

Lots of small groups of elderly women. Or elderly couples. Kat doesn’t turn around to check the rows behind her, but from what she can see they are the youngest people in the room. Perhaps that’s the usual audience for a mid-week afternoon show?

‘It’s so nice to see some new faces!’ Apparently they are not the only ones who took notice. A lady is smiling at them, holding out a pamphlet. ‘In case you’re interested in more.’

Cathy takes it, thanking her. It’s a list of foreign movies with the details of the screenings.

‘How is your French?’

Kat takes a moment to think about it. ‘Rusty?’

She has never been as good as Anne, for obvious reasons. They had retained their language skills from the past which left her (and Jane) at disadvantage compared to the others. With five languages each, Cathy and Catalina are the polyglot queens, with the three older kids on par with them. It is actually a point of pride for the queens. They might be lacking some common general knowledge, but their household can speak English, French, German, Spanish, Italian and Greek, even if some slightly antiquate forms of them at times.

Kat knows that she will never be the most well-versed in languages in their group, but it doesn’t mean she is not going to take advantage of her multi-lingual family and learn as much as she can. But lately she might have been neglecting French a bit to focus on learning Spanish. Admittedly it had started as a way to annoy Mary by talking with Catalina in what Mary considered ‘their own private language’, despite most people at the house speaking it. But then it became the gateway for a better relationship with the first queen, replacing the cordial but distant one they had before.

Anne and Jane were family and family had been everything in the past, despite how crappy she had been treated by her own blood. She still values it above most things, so it gave her an instant connection to them, despite past experiences…or perhaps thanks to them. Surprise, surprise, their extended family had not been much nicer to her cousins than they had been to her, so there was bonding over terrible families. Anna was a friendly face from the past and they almost seamlessly picked up from where they had left. And Cathy…they had an immediate and quick connection. At first it was because they were the youngest queens in this new life and also the ones who could relate the most to each other about their past one. They had to put up with the same Henry. Anna’s married experience had been short before moving onto a cordial if not friendly relationship as the ‘King’s sister’ (and besides, Kat knew she still harboured guilty feelings about her divorce opening the way for Kat’s marriage and consequent death, so she tried to avoid the topic). Jane had supposedly been ‘the only one he truly loved’. And Catalina and Anne had known a younger Henry who was, apparently, quite a different man from the one the last two queens had been saddled with.

All in all, Catalina had been the queen Kat had struggled the most to connect with, and learning Spanish helped. But not in this occasion, with a French movie about to start.

‘It should have subtitles, right?’

The credits end. The lights come up. They remain seated. Most of the audience does, almost if shell-shocked by the movie that just ended. Cathy nudges Kat’s elbow lightly, offering a tissue. Usually Kat would make a joke about her being such a mom (she has taken care of Mae enough to know that you can never be overprepared with a toddler), but she wordlessly accepts it. They both dry their eyes.

‘I think,’ Kat croaks out, ‘this is the best movie I’ve ever seen.’

She is not an expert cinephile, it goes without saying; none of them are. But they did look for lists of iconic movies and watched them. While their usual excuse of having grown up without a tv works relatively well when they need to explain their lack of pop culture knowledge, nobody likes to feel always left out. They still have movie family nights, usually with a ‘must-watch’ title, but by now everyone just watches what they like. In Kat’s case, she tends to stick to ‘light’ movies. She doesn’t care if it’s fantasy, comedy, action, animated…she just doesn’t want to be scared or cry too much. But sometimes the crying is worth it.

‘Yeah.’ Cathy agrees. It seems like she has been left speechless too.

Both lost in their thoughts, no words are exchanged until they are out of the cinema.

‘Want to go and eat something?’

‘What about Mae?’

Cathy smiles at Kat’s thoughtfulness. ‘Everyone but us is home.’ Perks of living all together. Built-in babysitter service basically 24/7 in case of need. ‘And Jane said that even if the others go out, she will stay.’

As they sit at a Chinese restaurant nearby, the conversation returns to the movie.

‘I mean, I wished the ending was different, you know? Happy. With them together. But…the more I think, the more I understand it, I think.’ Kat says, twirling her noodles with her fork, using chopsticks a skill she has yet to master properly. ‘I get it. Marriage being unescapable. Men intruding in women’s spaces and lives ruining everything…’

‘Oh?’

‘Not like that.’ She realises what Cathy thought she was implying. ‘Just…the happiest period of my life had been the first months as Anna’s maid of honour. Just being around her and the other ladies. And then of course Henry had to ruin everything…’ Kat shakes her head as to dispel the thought. ‘What about you?’

‘I think I still need sometime to fully process the movie. But I’d say that we have to thank Mary for the suggestion.’

‘I’d rather die.’ The disgust on Kat’s face makes Cathy chuckle. ‘How did that happen, anyway?’ She has never seen Mary and Cathy spend any significant amount of time together.

‘She texted me, something about wanting to taste,’ Kat starts choking, ‘which I assume was meant to be test, the waters. We’re not as close as the others, so I thought spending time together could be good…You okay?’

Kat, still coughing, waves her concern away. ‘Just a bit too spicy.’

‘Yeah, you look flushed.’

‘I’ll pop to the loo and splash some water on my face,’ she rasps out, standing up.

Cathy follows her with her eyes, making sure that she is okay, until she disappears behind the toilet door. Then she grabs the menu, wanting to check the desserts. Her eyes fall onto the noodles section and…Kat’s dish has no red chili pepper next to it.

A vibration distracts her from her thoughts. She immediately checks her phone in case the call is about Mae, before realising it comes from Kat’s phone, ‘Stepbother’ flashing on the screen. The vibrating stops. Then starts again, this time shorter ones. Instinctively she looks at it.

A notification pops up.

* Don’t be a K(h)oward like usual *

Others follow in quick succession.

* Tell her *

* You’re not going to like the next step of my plan *

* I will get you two together *

* So you stop hitting on my mom *

* Not because I want you to be happy *

* Ofc *

‘So…going back to Mary,’ Cathy starts once Kat is back. ‘Do you think she did it on purpose?’

Kat looks intently at the menu, shrugging.

‘Because that would be…going to some length.’ She continues. ‘Organising. Getting two separate tickets but for seats next to each other. Paying for them…Any idea why?’

Kat sighs. ‘Any chance you’re letting this go?’

‘Any chance Mary is going to let this go?’

Kat puts her elbows on the table, closed fists against her forehead. A groan is all Cathy gets.

‘I’m sure it’s not that bad.’

Kat rubs her eyes in frustration. Cathy is starting to think she won’t get a reply when the younger girl straightens up in her chair.

She takes a visibly deep breath and rushes out ‘She has been pushing me to ask you out for…’ she hesitates, ‘some time.’

‘How long if she had decided to take matters in her hands?’ She is teasing but also genuinely curious.

‘Not like she is known for her patience.’ Kat grumbles. Looking at Cathy she can see that she is not convinced, but she is thankful that she seems to let it go. And smiling. ‘You’re not upset?’

‘Why don’t we continue this outside?’ Cathy nods towards the exit. ‘But no,’ she adds before Kat could misinterpret it. ‘I’m not upset.’

As they go towards the till to pay, Cathy tries to order her thoughts. That was not what she had been expecting from today. Kat was interested in her. It’s not like she had never thought about it. They get along very well. Besides her godmother, Kat is the queen she feels the closest too. She is great with Mae. And she is undeniably beautiful. 

‘What are thinking?’

Cathy has not even realised they had left the restaurant. ‘Wait! I didn’t pay!’ She makes to go back inside but Kat grabs her arm.

‘I took care of it.’ Kat shrugs. ‘You were clearly out of it and it’s my fault.’ She jams her hands in her pockets, eyes downcast.

‘None of that,’ she bumps against her hip, trying to get a smile. ‘I was just surprised.’

Kat peeks at her, cautiously hopeful. 

‘I didn’t think you liked me. As more than a friend.’ Cathy specifies before Kat can say anything in that regard. ‘Well, maybe sometimes? But I sort of convinced myself that it was wishful thinking.’

Kat stops walking at that. ‘What?’ She hurries to catch up with Cathy.

‘I thought you and Mary…’

‘Eww. She is like…was going to say sister but that would make it really weird to hit on her mom.’

‘That’s the other thing.’

‘You didn’t really think I fancied Catalina, did you? I mean, she is a beautiful woman, but it has always been about annoying Mary.’

‘I really don’t get your relationship.’

Kat just shrugs. She is used to hearing that.

‘Hey! I know you!’ a loud voice interrupts them. ‘This a step-daughter too?’ The man takes a step closer to Kat.

Cathy doesn’t know what possesses her, but she puts her arm around Kat’s waist. ‘Actually I’m her girlfriend and we’re on a date.’

‘Is that so?’ The man looks between them.

‘Yes.’ Kat puts her arm around Cathy’s shoulder and Cathy snuggles into her side.

‘Freaks.’

‘What?’ Cathy tries to take step forward.

‘Don’t.’ Kat grasps her closer to her, keeping her still as the man walks away. ‘It’s not that.’

‘Then what was that?’ It clearly looked like _that_ to Cathy.

‘So…sometimes when me and Mary are out, guys hit on us. Best way to shake them off? Even better than saying we’re girlfriends, since some dudes takes it as an invitation to ask for a threesome? Saying that I’m her stepmother. It tends to weird them out or at least throw them off long enough that we can get away.’

Cathy thinks about it. Mary and Kat are quite close in age and they look like it, so she can see what it would surprise people. ‘Wait…did he think…’

‘That you are Mary’s mom? That or that we’re in some role-play stuff, I guess. That’s why I stopped you from trying to beat him up.’ Kat chuckles at the idea of Cathy, who is even shorter than her, although not by much, squaring up with that guy. ‘It was not because of the gay thing. Also from the smell, he was not exactly sober. I didn’t want you to get hurt.’

‘Awww.’ Cathy coos softly. ‘Still can’t believe you and Mary do that.’

‘Don’t say it like that. You make it sound like something weird.’ Kat steps away, dropping her arm from around Cathy’s shoulder. They both immediately regret the move. ‘Besides it’s the truth. I didn’t lie.’

‘Wouldn’t want to make a liar out of you now, then.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Maybe we could make this a real date? We went to movie. We had dinner…’

‘Yes!’ Kat shouts enthusiastically. ‘Wait! No!’

‘What??’

‘We’re not going to have a first date organised by Mary.’ Cathy relaxes at Kat’s explanation. ‘She’s going to be unsufferable. What about tomorrow? Oh, wait. Creative writing class. Uhm…when do you prefer? I’m sure we could find someone to look after Mae.’

‘What about Wednesday?’

‘Oh, Pasta day at The Tucan! If you’d like it, I mean.’

‘It’s a date.’

They stare at each other smiling until a couple of tipsy girls walk into them.

‘Home?’

‘Yeah.’

They walk side by side, hands brushing against each other. Kat glances down after her hand knocks against Cathy’s harder than usual. ‘Can I…’ she extends her fingers, now lightly tickling the back of Cathy’s hand.

Cathy turns her hand over and takes Kat’s without saying a word. As they keep walking, she twists her hand a bit and entwines their fingers.

‘What?’ Cathy asks with a smile after hearing Kat giggling.

‘It’s just unreal.’ Kat looks at her, beaming with a giddy expression plastered on her face.

‘What? That we watched a breath-taking movie, had dinner together, agreed on a date and we’re now going back home together and all because we were set up by our shared stepdaughter?’

‘I was more thinking about holding your hand and you liking me back, but that too.’


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ Gecko96 ](/users/Gecko96/) asked for more and I said I’d try to put some snippets together… 2800 words later…here we are. Not sure how it compares to the first part but I tried.
> 
> Some episodes are inspired by real life events…feel free to try to guess which ones.

Kat and Cathy stand at the entrance of the house they share, still holding hands, as they have been for the entirety of their walk home after dinner.

‘Hate to leave you like this, but I have something to take care of.’ Kat raises Cathy’s hand to her lips, kissing it briefly.

Then she opens the door and gone is the soft voice. ‘You better start running!’

‘Wow,’ Anna is almost bowled over by Mary running up the stairs. Few second later it’s Katherine who narrowly manages to avoid crashing into her.

‘What's happening?’ she cautiously steps into the living room, wary of another possible collision, as she hears a door slamming.

‘No idea. Kat came back with Cathy, told Mary to run and...that happened.’ Jane waves her hand towards upstairs.

‘Mary! Open the door!’ Kat bangs on it. ‘I know how to pick locks and you know it.’

‘She does??’

Cathy is not sure why they are looking at her, but she is saved from having to reply. She did not know about it, just for the record.

‘Is Mae sleeping yet?’ Kat pokes her head out from up the stairs, a grimace on her face.

Jane looks at time. ‘She was playing with Anne and Elizabeth so probably not, but-’ she gives another pointed look to the clock hanging on the wall.

‘Got it. I’ll try to murder her quietly.’

**********

‘I have some news.’ Kat announces entering the room.

‘You finally leaving?’

Kat glares at Mary. ‘As if I’d ever give you the satisfaction.’ She turns around to leave the room.

‘Wait!’ Jane stops her. ‘What was the news?’

‘The moment is gone.’ Kat shrugs. ‘But I’m sure you’ll find out soon enough.’

Sometime later Cathy knocks on the doorpost of Kat’s room. ‘Can I?’

‘You know you don’t have to ask.’ Kat smiles at her. ‘What can I do for you?’

Cathy steps in. She glances between her girlfriend and the hallway. She closes the door.

‘Oh.’ Kat wriggles her eyebrows. ‘That kind of thing?’

‘Shut up.’ Cathy huffs, rolling her eyes. ‘It’s not like that.’ She says while sitting down in her lap.

‘Mixed messages, darling.’

Cathy tries to stand up, but Kat wraps her arms around her, stopping her. ‘No take backs!’

‘Not that I mind this. At all.’ Kat speaks up after they have been snuggling in silence for a while. ‘But did you come for a reason? Not that cuddling is not a good enough reason.’

‘Right.’ Cathy had almost forgot why she went looking for Kat in the first place. ‘Jane said you had news, but you didn’t actually tell them?’ She doesn’t think it’s anything big, trusting Kat would tell her in that case, but she is curious. ‘Because Mary ruined the moment?’

‘When does she not? And it’s not news for you.’

‘Uh?’

‘At least I hope.’ She adds cheekily.

‘You think you’re funny, don’t you?’

‘Well, you _are_ smiling...’

‘Spit it out.’ Cathy can’t deny the evidence, can she?

‘I was just going to tell them we are dating, but alas…’

Cathy nods. They had agreed at first to keep it under wraps to see how the transition from friends to girlfriends would go, but now they feel secure enough in their new relationship to let the others know. ‘So, what now?’

‘I’m sure it will come up...out soon.’ Kat gets a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. ‘You can’t keep your hands off me after all.’

‘Me.’ Cathy gives her teasing girlfriend a deadpan stare, before looking down at the hand on her thigh. Kat’s other hand is currently under her shirt, resting on her lower back. Cathy’s arms are innocently looped around Kat’s neck. ‘Sure.’

**********

‘I think green is definitely your colour.’

‘As if I would ever be jealous of you.’ Mary scoffs.

‘Interesting that’s where your mind went to...I was thinking more Wicked Witch of the West. Or Shrek.’ Kat adds after a beat.

‘First of all, I’d be Fiona – at the very least – since I’m a lady. Second, who would you be? Donkey?’

‘There is literally Puss in Boots, a literal character who is a cat in boots,’ Kat gestures to the ones she is wearing, ‘and you went with freaking Donkey?’

‘Shut up.’

**********

‘How is coming along, girls?’ Catalina asks, entering the kitchen to check how the preparations are going since they are on cooking duties and Mary is not exactly known for her culinary skills. Indeed, Kat has different piles of ingredients already washed, chopped, prepared and ready to go and Mary has...a bowl full of green leaves in front of her and some mangled carrots on the chopping board. ‘Kat, you work fast.’

‘I’m very good with my hands.’ Kat winks at her.

‘Are you serious? Right in front of my salad?’

‘I wouldn’t call that poor excuse of something a salad... Perhaps just...sad.’

Mary stares at her. Looks at her mother who is chuckling. Then she leaves the room. 

‘Where are you going?!’

‘Want me to make her come back?’ Mary might be a young adult, but Catalina is still her mother and she _will_ listen to her if she knows what is good for her.

‘Nah. Not like she was that helpful, anyway, wasn’t she?’ She jokes, gesturing towards Mary’s workstation.

‘Are you talking behind my back?’ Mary comes back. She has a strong sense of duty – her mother doing – and it is her turn to cook, after all.

‘Nothing I don’t say to your face, don’t worry.’

**********

‘What’s this?’ Mary picks up a small object wrapped in colourful paper.

‘A gift, if I have to guess.’ Anne gets a glare from Mary, but she shrugs it off.

‘Oh, that’s nice.’ Jane comments, watching curiously as she opens it. It’s a...peeler?

‘I would say that’s all you are good for, but that’s not even true.’ Kat shows up as if evoked. ‘Hence the need for that.’

Anna barely suppresses a snicker. She loves her friend, but Mary’s incapacity to peel vegetables with a knife without cutting off half of the good part is hilarious almost as much as her blaming the quality of the knives. Is it true that they don’t make knives like they used to? Maybe. But as if as a princess and then queen she ever had to handle one to peel a vegetable....

‘Or not.’ Jane mutters, the way Kat and Mary manage to turn even the sweetest gesture into something...not sweet baffling her as usual.

‘I’m going to poison your food.’

‘That would imply you cooking...so I think I’m safe.’

**********

‘Kat, are you gonna marry mama and be my new mom?’

Kat chokes on her tea, nonetheless she motions Mae to get closer. ‘Why are you asking?’

Mae shrugs, before leaning against Kat’s leg.

Kat wraps an arm around her and holds her closer, before looking at her thoughtfully. ‘Did someone say something?’

The toddler nods. ‘Mary told me to ask you.’ She admits guilelessly. Oh, the blissful innocence of children.

‘Of course, she did.’ Kat mutters.

Thankfully Cathy comes in distracting Mae from her task. ‘Ehi baby, have you shown Kat your drawing yet?’

As Mae runs off to get her latest artwork, Kat turns to Cathy. ‘What do you think of starting to call her Mary?’

‘It’s still going to be as confusing as it was when we decided for the nicknames?’ She looks at her perplexed. Kat should know better than anyone since they had the same “problem”. ‘With two of them around and all?’

‘Oh, don’t worry.’ Cathy’s usually sweet girlfriend gives her a shark smile. ‘The other one won’t be around for much longer.’

**********

Cathy and Kat are out together, Mae in tow, when they stop in front of a stationery shop.

‘She still has plenty of colouring books.’

‘I was actually looking at that,’ Kat points to a set of coloured pencils heavily discounted, ‘but now that you mention it...’

‘I didn't know you liked to draw too.’ Kat has a penchant for spoiling Mae (and Elizabeth and Edward), but pencils that expensive and fancy for a toddler are too much even for her. Hopefully.

‘For Mary.’ Kat replies absent-mindedly as she enters the shop.

‘That's nice.’

Kat swirls around. ‘Never say anything like that again.’ She gives her a level stare. ‘If you want this to work out. There is nothing worse you could do to me.’

‘Really??’ Disbelief is heavy in Cathy’s voice. ‘Nothing worse??’

‘Well, on purpose, anyway.’ Kat amends herself. ‘Would you cheat on me?’

‘Of course not!’ Cathy’s reply is immediate and certain, no hesitation whatsoever. ‘Never.’

‘Are you going to hurt me...physically?’

‘What the fuck, Kat! NO!’

Everyone in the shop turns to look at them, but Kat ignores it. ‘Exactly, so yes, that’s the worst thing.’

**********

‘Give me a good reason!’

Catalina walks in what looks like yet another spat between Kat and Mary. She would make a joke about pigtails pulling and crushes or about fighting like an old married couple, but she is not sure she would survive unscathed, filial affection be damned. And the joke is not worth the headache, especially since she knows it’s not like that at all and will never be. Not to mention that she suspects something is going on between Kat and Cathy.

‘And “I was the Queen of England” does not count!’ Kat continues before Mary can reply. ‘The whole bloody house can say that, you’re not that special!’

**********

It’s late at night, pretty much the only time Cathy has to do her own stuff, after taking care of kids, house, family, work and everything else, as many mothers know.

She is working at her desk when she hears a muffled commotion. Then her door opening and a soft thud.

She turns around. For a second she wonders if it had been just a draught, before seeing Kat sprawled on the floor but already raising on her knees.

‘Are you okay?’

‘Yep!’

‘Why are you on the floor then?’

‘Mary shoved me.’

Cathy has stopped questioning these kinds of things. But as Kat looks up, eyes bright, face flushed and...dopey grin? She has another question. ‘Are you drunk?’

‘Nope!’ She tries to stand, giving up not even half-way through the motion. ‘Maybe a tiny bit.’ Evidently deciding that walking is a no-go, Kat starts to crawl on all four.

‘Tiny bit my ass.’ Cathy snorts.

‘I like your ass.’

‘Wait here.’ Cathy ignores her girlfriend’s muttered words.

‘Not going anywhere.’ Kat promises in a what is probably supposed to be a serious tone.

When Cathy comes back with a glass of water, Kat had somehow managed to reach the bed and sit on it.

‘Drink this.’

‘Are you trying to get me drunk?’ Kat squints at her, suspicious.

‘I don’t think you need my help for that.’ Cathy hands her the glass. ‘What happened exactly?’ she asks after Kat dutifully drinks all the water without further protests.

‘Mary got me drunk. To get me to confess my feelings to you. Joke’s on her.’ Kat sniggers. ‘She paid for all the drinks. But I don’t need to be drunk to tell you how much I like you.’

‘Lay down.’ Cathy gently pushes her as she sees her starting to waver. ‘Wait...she still doesn’t know?’

She looks at Kat, face scrunched up and eyes closed. She would not fall asleep like that, right? She leans on her elbow so that she is hovering over Kat’s face, just to check.

‘She keeps saying I’ll owe her for getting us together and I keep telling her no,’ Kat looks deep in thoughts. ‘So maybe not?’

Suddenly her eyes shoot open and she grabs Cathy by her collar, tugging her so close to their noses are almost touching. ‘Never tell her that!’

She tilts her head. Gone is the intense look in her eyes, replaced by a sappy expression. ‘You’re so cute!’

Cathy lets out a cackle. ‘Go to sleep.’

‘Here?’ She looks around as if realising for the first time she is in Cathy’s room. ‘No funny business!’ she wags her finger at Cathy but scoots over while tugging her down so that Cathy would lay down properly too.

‘You’re the only funny thing here.’ Still, Cathy settles next to her.

‘Good.’ Kat puts her head on Cathy’s shoulder, slinging an arm across her waist and a leg over hers. ‘They say you need to make a woman laugh to keep her. And I want to keep you forever.’

‘How can you go from absolutely ridiculous to absolutely charming in the space of-’ Cathy turns her head to look down at Kat. ‘And you’re gone.’ She sighs. Well. At least now she knows what type of drunk Kat is. Thankfully she isn’t a violent or aggressive one (she honestly can’t even imagine her girlfriend like that) or an angry one. She is not a sad drunk, either, which is a bit more surprising, since she has plenty of reasons to be sad (and angry, if she were to be honest) about her life even when sober.

She glances at her desk. Then at her sleeping girlfriend. She should keep an eye on her. No matter how adorable she was when drunk, she is quite sure she is gonna hate herself when she wakes up. She supposes work can wait another day. And a little bit more of sleep isn’t going to hurt her either.

‘How much did she drink, exactly?’ Cathy asks the next day.

‘Is she okay?’ She sees a flash of concern in Mary’s eyes, before she schools her expression into an indifferent one. That’s why Cathy just rolls with their antics. She can’t say she understands their relationship. She is not sure she will ever do. But she knows that they care about each other...even if they will deny it until their dying breath.

‘Depends on your definition of okay. Is she alive? Yes. But she is also deeply regretting the fact and calling for a second beheading, so make of that what you will.’

**********

‘Since it’s only a question of time, I wanted us to discuss it so we can be all on the same page.’ Anne sends Kat and Anna a pointed look. She would be proud of how Elizabeth has them wrapped around her little finger if it didn’t make her life as a mother harder. They ignore the jab, unfazed. They have a role as the cool, fun aunts to maintain. ‘Let’s talk about animals in the house.’ Elizabeth has been dropping not-so-subtle hints about wanting to get a pet.

‘What about Mary?’ Kat gets hit in the head by a rubber. Thrown by Mary, of course. ‘Let’s call pest control. I vote for extermination.’

**********

‘You two are having sex.’ Mary storms into the living room, where Anna had told her Kat was watching a movie with Cathy.

‘Catalina, why didn’t you tell me, I would have paused the movie.’

The older woman sputters, the popcorn she was eating going down the wrong pipe. Cathy reaches around Kat, who is sitting in the middle, to pat her godmother on the back.

‘Also, Mary, dear,’ Kat continues unperturbed, ‘do you spend a lot of time thinking about me and your mom together?’

‘That’s not what I meant, and you know it.’

‘Do I?’ Kat looks at Mary as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth, eyes twinkling.

**********

‘I know I'm right and I’m gonna prove it.’ Mary slams her hands on the table, glaring at Kat.

‘You’re not.’

‘I am.’

‘Not.’

‘Am.’

‘Not.’

‘Am.’

‘Not.’

‘How long will you keep it up?’ Catalina asks, weary amusement in her voice.

‘I can go for hours, babe,’ Kat winks at her.

‘Right in front of...your girlfriend!?!’ Mary turns to Cathy. ‘And you are okay with that??’

‘I’m not going to get into this.’ Does she love Kat? Yes. Is she in love? If not already there, she is surely falling. But is she going to get involved into whatever you would call the thing between Kat and Mary? No, thanks. She may be in love, it doesn’t suddenly make her stupid.

‘Wait.’ Mary does a double-take. ‘Are you admitting you’re dating??’

Everyone looks at them. They would have told them, right? Kat doesn’t say anything.

The lack of denial is all Mary needs. ‘This is gaslighting!’ Mary looks and sounds absolutely outraged.

‘I never denied it.’ Kat objects. ‘Just that it’s because of you.’

‘Of course it is. I got you two together.’

‘You are not even able to get two braincells together.’

‘Are you saying I'm stupid?’

‘I’m saying you don’t have a romantic bone in your body.’

‘I set you up on that movie date!’ Mary reminds her pointedly.

‘That movie made me cry!’ Kat is kind of sorry that she will never be able to discuss the beauty of that movie, and what it meant to her, with anyone else but Cathy. But she will never give Mary the satisfaction.

‘Just admit it.’ Mary cries out in exasperation.

‘Over my dead body.’

‘We can arrange that.’

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: when I went to watch POALOF, the 'Harold, they are lesbians' vibe was strong. Guess that's what you get in mid-week afternoon show, since it was the same when I went to see Carol...
> 
> Not so fun fact: just realised in the last month or so I posted something every weekend...don't expect me to keep it up. The other things I'm working on are nowhere close to be done.


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